Real Men

Real men. Where can one find them? Books have always been full of heroes and anti-heroes both. Those strong, athletic, intelligent, and mysterious men that have no flaws. Now though it seems that in books and movies both you can't be considered a “real man” unless you're a preternatural creature, angelic being, or Lucifer himself.

Or maybe that is just the material I've been reading lately. I love J.R. Ward, Laurell K Hamilton, Gena Showalter, JR Rain, and Zoe Winters. Their writing styles captivate me and takes me into that realm of make believe that I want stories to carry me off to. Remove me from reality for a few hours. Kind of like that old commercial from Calgon...Take me away... Not that my life sucks or anything like that but a few hours of escapism while I decide what the next plot point in my own life will be doesn't hurt either.

I know that my approach to dating is ass-backwards in so many respects. I could make a list with points and sub-points even....

• I prefer to get to know a man's mind without knowing what they look or sound like.

  • I know that I am very superficial when it comes to two things.

    • Desired looks

      • Dark neatly cut hair

      • Brown Eyes

      • Height over 6' tall.

    • Voices

      • A voice like Vin Diesel or Sean Connery makes those little hairs inside my ears just perk up and listen.

      • A voice like Pee Wee Herman makes me cringe and want to flee the room.

  • For this reason internet dating through chat and email is ideal for me.

    • This way I get to know them before making any shallow judgments about them.

      • Though if you can't type in anything but text speak I'll probably start making some of those shallow judgments.

    • I'm not a beauty queen but wouldn't say I'm a hideous gargoyle either.

• I don't like dinner dates (at least not at restaurants).

  • I would rather cook for my date while talking to them (or vice-versa) than sit in a restaurant getting interrupted by a waiter during interesting conversation.

  • Though I will admit that if the date seems to be bombing leaving a restaurant is easier than leaving your own place.

• I don't care if the man doesn't want to call me back however;

  • Don't tell me how perfect and wonderful I am or that our time together was amazingly sublime and then not call me.

    • Just say “Hey, I think your great but not for me.” or

    • “Sorry I just don't think we click.” or even

    • “I don't find you attractive and I don't want to you again.”

• I don't want to try to change you. Just don't try to change me.

• I am not interested in a man who is married, separated, or otherwise involved.

  • Be Single, Divorced, or Widowed

  • There are women out there that don't care about your marital status go find one of them.

    • If your marriage/relationship is so bad that you aren't finding what you need in it then:

      • Pull up your big boy panties (or check the status of your balls) and admit it.

        • End your marriage (or)

        • Fix your marriage

• Everyone has a kink or two. Respect mine and I will respect yours though there are a few exceptions.

  • If your kink involves any of the following don't expect me to not cringe:

    • Anything that is non-consensual

    • Anyone under 18

    • Animals

    • Anything that involves physical damage to either party.

• I don't know that I believe in marriage, at least not the till death do us part.

  • I think that marriage vows should have a time limit. Seven years sounds good to me.

    • At the end of seven years any assets accumulated during the marriage get split 50/50.

    • Everything earned prior to that belongs solely to the person that brought it to the marriage.

    • Children conceived during that time period belong equally to both parents for future emotional, physical, and financial support.

    • At the end of seven years the couple can choose to renew their vows for another seven years or end everything amicably.

  • Maybe the time limit will encourage the couple not to take each other for granted.

Out of all the men I've met in my life (few of who I've actually dated) the one that has my respect the most isn't any of the ones I've been involved with. I've only ever asked one man out in a true one-on-one dating sense and he turned me down. No excuses or prevarications just that while he was flattered that I would ask him out I wasn't his type. Yes, it hurt but it didn't kill me and actually made me more confident in myself. I had been rejected but, I had actually put myself out there a bit. Instead of pining away in the background hoping to be noticed I had let him know that I would be interested.

So to all those Toms, Scotts, Dannys, and even Marcs out there I don't know if I have a heart to give but friendship, respect, and loyalty aren't to hard to give if I know the person is going to actually reciprocate them.

Who knows maybe one of these days I'll meet that real man outside of the pages of a book or my dreams for that matter.

Good Books, Good Wine, Good Friends, What Could be Better?