New Years Eve was fun. I spent part of the evening helping my friends celebrate the Grand Re-Opening of her Mom's bar. Hank's Sweetwater in Caldwell, ID. I love the bar and the staff is wonderful. The only problem is the cigarette smoke. But all bars have that. Bullriding on Friday nights should be a kick and if they get a better karaoke setup it might even be fun to try singing...
Though I personally think my voice sucks ass. I still find it fun to get up there and sing a song.
When I was helping her out on another evening I played the song "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. She asked me if the song was about anyone in particular and I said no... What could I say not any ONE person in particular but about my whole life....
Todd who I didn't appreciate when I had him. How sweet is a guy (that gma likes) and fills your room with balloons while you are sleeping, places a stuffed animal on your bed and gives you a sweatshirt that says "Some bunny loves you." Not to mention the roses that he had delivered to me at work.
David who I really wish that I had met five years later than I did. 10 years is a big difference at 18. At 23 not so much. I miss our talks we talked about anything and everything as my shift ended and his began. I thought so many times of looking him up again.
My daughter's biological sperm donor? Loser from the get go but my life was falling apart at the time and anybody was better than nobody.
The guy at the hardware store who asked me out. I turned him down because at the time I was about three months pregnant and didn't know what I was going to do. His last name was Zahn. I remember that because I was reading Timothy Zahn's Star Wars series at the time.
The handful of men that I met through the internet. From the date that kept "punching" me in the shoulder to the guy that wanted "at least" a hug after our "lovely" date. BTW Movies as a first date suck. I want to talk to you and get to know something about you.
The guy that I worked with that actually did respond to my personal online ad. He might have been fun but I really did stick to that no dating anybody in the workplace. I wish that I had actually gone out with him at least once though.
Looking back at my life I have to wonder what changes that I would make if I had to do it all over again. I always tell my daughter that she is the best mistake that I ever made. I find though that it isn't the mistakes that I made that I regret the most. It is the chances that I let slip through my fingers.
So this is the last year that I get to ring in the New Year without actually being the big 40... The only thing I truly have to show for my life is my daughter who is off to college shortly.
While I am restarting my life. I was laid off of my job of nearly 11 years this last Spring as much as I miss the work that I did I don't miss the atmosphere that was lingering in the department that I was in.
In an ironic twist the day before the layoffs I was talking to another co-worker and we were discussing how we were actually looking forward to new management changes in our group that had recently been announced and we were just starting to feel secure in our jobs again. The round of layoffs before this I had actually packed up most of my desk, I was just starting to bring some of it back to the office. We both mentioned how we would hate to be a certain person if layoffs came again because no one knew who he was. Guess what. The three of us were among five laid off.
But as the old saying goes whenever one door closes another one opens. What I find the most interesting is that it isn't the people that I would have thought that actually kept in touch with me. I had actually considered my supervisor to be a friend...Guess not. So now I restart life again. College for my BS and again I get to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe I will never grow up though cause all I can think is that I am getting my BullShit degree from BSU.. The college is good don't get me wrong just an unfortunate twist in my brain.
So what would I change. Tonight I am starting that. A glass of wine, my laptop, Pandora playing on the stereo inside (window open) and a nice fire outside. The whole reason I setup the wifi was so I could go outside with my laptop but I haven't been taking advantage of that.
Out with the old and in with the new. I have a ton of cool shit occupying space in my garage. So I am cleaning it out and getting rid of anything that I don't need. The only things that should be out there when I am done are:
1) my car
2) Seasonal decorations
3) party supplies
4) freezer
5) daughters boxes ready for moving out
If it doesn't have a place in the house that works then out it goes. Probably means I need to get a couple bookcases. I own way to many books and movies.
I told a friend I would do a relay walk with her so I need to get back into shape. I actually think I looked the best when I was 5 months pregnant with my daughter. 3 months of solid puking will make one skinny.
Found a pedometer in the garage and am going to start walking the dog (at least 3x week for a couple miles.) I'll see how that goes.
While my fire is almost out, and since it is only 37 degrees here in Boise, ID tonight, I guess it's time to go inside.
So to all of my "almost lovers" (even if it was only in my mind) and the few and far lovers I have had.
My New Years goal for this year is to make my real world life more interesting than my nighttime dreams. So first up is Bullriding and karaoke then we'll see what happens next.
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